On the Job: Best sales pitches are about listening

• Not all sales pitches come from people trying to hawk goods or services
• Often the pitch is among colleagues at work who need to persuade others about a project
• Best way to do that is to find out what a colleague needs%2C tell about your solution to problem

Estimates are that we get something like 5,000 marketing and sales messages a day, and with the holiday shopping season in full swing, that number probably has increased.

But many of the sales pitches we receive may not come from those trying to get us to buy a new toaster or vacation in an exotic locale. Some come from those we work with, whether a colleague or a vendor.

Do you pay attention when you feel a team member is trying to "sell" you something? Or do you tune that person out?

If you're not receptive to the message, you're not alone.

"People get defensive when they detect the pitch. They feel like something is being forced on them," says Steve Yastrow, author of the upcoming Ditch the Pitch: The Art of Improvised Persuasion

While we may ignore a sales pitch from our colleagues, the problem is that they're doing the same to us. If you're trying to sell an idea in a meeting to your team or boss, that means they may be unreceptive.

Or if you're trying to sell yourself to an employer during a job interview, that person automatically might reject what you're saying.

A better way to break down the resistance to a sales pitch is to use improvised conversations instead, Yastrow says.

Using this method, your sales pitch becomes a conversation that focuses on the needs of the other person. Unlike a sales pitch, the other person is doing most of the talking, which automatically puts that person more at ease and not on guard against a sales push, he says.

"Everybody feels like they need to be selling themselves and persuading people," Yastrow says. "But then we fall into the trap of thinking that our job is to explain, cajole and convince, and that's not how you get people to do what you want."

An Ipsos Public Affairs survey commissioned by Sandler Training finds that 62% of 1,000 working Americans say that they spend an hour or less a day selling themselves even though 80% say that being able to do so effectively is key to getting ahead.

Americans might find it easier to persuade others if they focused more on getting rid of habits that Yastrow says turn off listeners to our ideas and our abilities.

To become a better improvisational persuader, he suggests you need to be an active listener and ask questions to determine what a person cares about right now. You should show that you care then craft your pitch around how you can help solve a problem or achieve a goal for the person.

"Improvisation does not mean you don't prepare or you just 'wing it,' " he says. "You've got to know your stuff and your business."

In his book Yastrow outlines several key habits to develop to drop your ineffective sales-pitch habits and develop better improvisational skills. One is learning to make 95% of the conversation about the other person.

He also advises not overwhelming them with more than about a paragraph's worth of information before taking a break.

Getting rid of "yes, but" responses also is important: Don't say a project will be exciting, but it will take a lot of work.

Once you say "but," you've stalled the conversation. Saying something like, "This project will be exciting, and I think we can find way to contain costs so you won't go over budget" keeps the conversation moving and focused on what you can offer that's positive.

"The idea of selling is sort of distasteful to some people, or they feel they're not capable of doing it right," Yastrow says. "But if you have a conversation that matters to the other person and help them find the right solution, then it can be a situation of where you're collaborating, not selling."

Anita Bruzzese is author of 45 Things You Do That Drive Your Boss Crazy ... and How to Avoid Them, www.45things.com. Twitter: @AnitaBruzzese.