5 reasons Trump needs a personal librarian: Column
To: Reince Priebus, White House chief of staff
From: John Arthur
Dear Mr. Priebus,
I am writing to apply for the position of personal librarian to the president. I understand that this is not a position being offered at the White House, but if you will hear me out for a moment, I might be able to illustrate why the position should be created:
1. A president should be well read. Donald Trump has claimed that he does not have the time to read, despite many past presidents seeming to carve out plenty of time for the task. This is something that can be fixed. As a former children’s librarian, I have encountered many reluctant readers in my days behind the desks of various public libraries. After a careful analysis of Mr. Trump’s Twitter feed, may I suggest he start with Diary of a Wimpy Kid? It even has a lot of pictures in it. I hear he likes that.
2. Librarians are well-trained professionals who hold master’s degrees in library and information sciences. While studying for this degree at Rutgers University, and during my undergraduate work in history at the same institution, I frequently examined the validity of sources of information. Mr. Trump, no doubt, is extremely busy in his new role, but it has become apparent that he either does not have the capacity or does not have the correct staffing in place to vet his tweets and other correspondence before he sends them. As an information professional, I would be happy to work with Mr. Trump and his staff to seek appropriate sources of information befitting the office of the president.
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3. One of the best things about libraries is one of the simplest: story time. Studies show that exposure to fiction builds empathy, something that appears to be sorely lacking in both of Mr. Trump’s adult sons. As Mr. Trump’s personal librarian, I would be happy to read to his children every day. We can even follow up story time with a fun craft, or I could bring my guitar and sing them one of my favorite story time songs, This Land is Your Land.
4. As president, Mr. Trump will often be dealing with the leaders of foreign countries. Being culturally competent is a skill that is expected from any world leader. Fortunately, librarians, who often champion diverse works, or, at the very least, are able to find them for you when you want them, are well positioned to help with this. Many libraries offer language-learning materials, foreign films and, of course, novels, poems and collections of stories written by writers from every continent. The library I plan to build for Mr. Trump will be no different. Engagement with these materials can save him from a lot of future embarrassment on the international stage.
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5. I am familiar with the Dewey Decimal system, which is why I was intrigued by Kellyanne Conway’s utterance of the phrase “alternative facts.” What were these things, where could I find them, and how had I never heard of them before? Surely, there must have already been a Dewey number assigned to them, and I had just never encountered it? But after doing some research, I found that there was no such section. Some librarians have suggested that the “alternative facts” section is the fiction section, but that doesn’t seem to capture the essence of the phrase, either. Fiction does something different, something much more valuable, than what alternative facts do. After doing more research, I realized that there should be an alternative-facts section at every library — our new library at the White House included — in the dumpster behind the building. Librarians call this weeding. I’m really quite good at it.
With my education, my variety of experiences and my willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job done, I am confident that as personal librarian to the president I could help Mr. Trump improve his Lexile level, tweet the best tweets, and better understand the world around him — thus working toward making him the best president he can be.
Thank you for your consideration. May we schedule an interview?
John Arthur is a librarian, musician and writer from New Jersey. His band is calledThe Deafening Colors.
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