Having a child changes life forever, and not just in the obvious ways
“When are you due?”
“Dec. 2,” I said.
“Congratulations! Mine is about to go to college.”
This was the start of a heartwarming conversation about raising children with a complete stranger walking through a parking garage.
At that moment, I realized I would soon be a card-carrying member of the mom club, the force that binds childbearing women together.
What unites us? It usually starts with: Morning sickness. Maternity wear. Stretch marks. Scars in unmentionable places. Nursing bras. Giving up on bras. Sore nipples. Spit up everywhere. Poop everywhere. 3 a.m. feedings. And, a fierce, unbreakable bond: maternal love.
A few weeks after my son was born, my husband left for a two-week work trip. In my mind, sleep wasn’t an option – partly, because my son wouldn’t and partly because I couldn’t close my eyes for fear he would stop breathing. One morning (or was it night?) after Googling “how much sleep can I lose before I die,” I reached out to a mom friend. She came over, rocked my son, grabbed a fresh diaper and let me take a nap. We were friends before I had a child, but now we are teammates running the same race together. She's a little farther ahead, which also makes her an insightful mentor, like some of my coworkers.
My first outing alone with my son was to a coworker’s house. Her daughter was 6 months old at the time. I stayed for longer than planned, nursed on her couch and left with a baby carrier her daughter outgrew, baby hats, two books and a pump bag. These random acts of kindness and generosity seem to be never-ending. As much as I like being an independent woman, I'll be first to admit the responsibility of keeping a newborn happy and healthy takes a village.
When I came back to work after maternity leave, that coworker and another mom gave me a tour of our office’s nursing rooms. Our conversations about pumping breast milk gave me the confidence to know a healthy work/baby balance is possible. (Because only women who’ve repeatedly stripped topless in a conference room to attach a machine to their nipples really get it.)
I know I have a lifetime of questions ahead of me, but I feel better knowing those who forged ahead aren't afraid to lend a hand along the way.
I lean on this community because they know what's going on behind the scenes. They understand tired, sacrifice and most importantly, why it’s all worth it. And, I hope I can pay their kindness forward to new moms in my life.
Yes, I have a husband and newborn child, but I also have millions of sisters around the globe. That makes my family much larger than a party of three.
Ashley May documented her pregnancy on the podcast Due Date and now has a 3-month-old son. Follow her on Twitter: @ashleymaytweets
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