Steve Strauss: Are you emotionally intelligent? It's a big plus
Q: Why does it always seem there is one person at work who just doesn’t get it? No matter where I work, big office or small, there always seems to be someone who is either loud, obnoxious, rude, boorish, clueless – or all of the above! Why do bosses hire people like this? — Amanda
A: It does seem that there are always those sorts of people around doesn’t it? And conversely, it is equally true that there are folks in the office who do just get it; co-workers who are sharp and smart and funny and kind and listen well.
If you can focus on those types of co-workers, your days at the office will go more smoothly.
I’m an NBA fan, and in basketball parlance we would say that these teammates “make everyone around them better.”
I have a pal who is like that. Naturally gregarious, he is also super smart and funny. He’s risen up the ranks at his Fortune 500 company quickly because his bosses realize that, not only is he good at his job, but people like working with and for him. Who doesn’t want to be around that?
For example, he and I spend a week together every summer with some of our friends at an annual event. One thing I have heard him say several times to some of the fellas is, “You look great! Have you been working out? Did you lose some weight?”
Now, whether he really thinks that or not is sort of beside the point, don’t you think? Clearly what he is trying to do is make the person feel good. That line always gets a smile or laugh, even (or maybe especially) when the recipient knows it is fluff. It’s good natured.
There is a lot to be said for emotional intelligence at work, and life. According to Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills:
► Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;
► The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;
► The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.”
I think most of us like to think we are emotionally intelligent, and some of us even are. Are you? It is not an insignificant question. According to Dr. Susan Whitborne,
“EI is now moving front and center to corporate boardrooms where it is becoming the latest leadership buzzword. From resolving disputes to negotiating high-powered deals, business leaders need to be able to read each other’s signals, as well as understand their own strengths and weaknesses.”
Here are 10 questions that can help you determine your EI (Note: Answer them honestly because 1) it does you no good to answer it “right” if it’s not true for you, and 2) doing so is a sign of, well, emotional intelligence!)
1. I lose my temper a little too easily
2. People think that I’m a good listener.
3. I am able to self-sooth and calm myself down
4. I like groups
5. I have a hard time focusing
6. I am a little too defensive
7. I know my strengths as well as my weaknesses
8. I would rather avoid conflict
9. I appreciate honest feedback on my work
10. I have a difficult time building rapport with people
You get the idea. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to work well with others, keep oneself in check, motivate yourself and your team without resorting to fear or intimidation, to be empathetic, and to know oneself. Psychologist Daniel Goleman says there are five elements that define EI:
Self-awareness
Self-regulation
Motivation
Empathy
Social skills
Does that describe you? Either way, you are well on your way to being a better boss by being honest with yourself about the answer.
Today’s tip: FedEx is launching its 5th annual Small Business Grant Contest and has begun accepting applications for a total prize pool of $120,500. The contest offers grants and services to ten small businesses.
Last year’s grand prize winner was Ginjan Bros., a small business that develops and brings to market traditional African drinks, and is run by two entrepreneurial brothers originally from West Africa.
The 2017 FedEx Small Business Grant Contest is open to U.S.-based for-profit small businesses with fewer than 99 employees and operating for six months or more. To enter, participants can visit www.fedex.com/grantcontest.
Steve Strauss, @Steve Strauss on Twitter, is a lawyer specializing in small business and entrepreneurship and has been writing for USATODAY.com for 20 years. E-mail: sstrauss@mrallbiz.com. You can learn more about Steve at MrAllBiz.