For the Record: The god of irony hates us

Joanna Allhands

USA TODAY

Can someone convince the Greeks to create a god of irony? Because if one existed, that would be a good way to explain why the first days of the Republican and now Democratic conventions were not the shows of unity they were touted to be.

If there was a god of irony, we’d say that our elected leaders have done terrible things to anger him/her. You’d hang your head in somber agreement, and we’d move on, hoping our lives were far too normal and functional to warrant the attention of the irony god. Alas:

BEST (WORST?) OF DNC DAY 1

Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s plan to gavel the convention didn’t make it past breakfast, where she was booed by angry delegates who didn't like what she wrote about Bernie Sanders in leaked emails. The soon-to-resign chairwoman was nowhere in sight as the convention kicked off, and neither was her soon-to-be successor, Donna Brazile. So, even with replacements in place, this may be a party without an official leader.
Meanwhile, the Democratic National Committee released an apology to Sanders, and his speech was moved to the end of the evening so it could get more primetime love. He did a test run of his kumbaya moment earlier in the day, but it didn’t go over so well with his supporters. Hence, #BernieBoos was born.
Outside, city officials expected 50,000 protesters, but the crowds were slimmer on Day 1 – probably because the heat index was 109 degrees. Instead of arrests, police were more concerned about heat stroke. Yes, this may actually be the day’s glimmer of good news for Democrats.
Oh, and speaking of that whole Wikileaks thing that sacked Wasserman Schultz: None other than Edward Snowden tweeted documents suggesting Brazile wasn’t the unbiased replacement she was touted to be.
And, if that's not enough, the FBI is investigating reports that Vladimir Putin was involved in the DNC document dump, a revelation that put Clinton’s email scandal – the one thing she was hoping everyone would overlook this week – back into focus. Donald Trump was quick to criticize. And then others criticized Trump, noting his connections to Putin. Insert your favorite conspiracy theory here.

OPPOSITE DAY, IN WORDS

Spread your arms as wide as they can go, and that's still not enough to illustrate how far apart Day 1 Democratic speeches were from what Republicans said a week ago. Among the themes:

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IMMIGRATION. Where Republicans emphasized safety, security and the criminal element last week, Democratic speakers talked Monday about families, compassion and a path to citizenship. Several speakers broke into Spanish.
SOCIAL STIGMAS. Addiction, mental health and LGBT issues also were recurring themes. Among the speakers: Singer Demi Lovato, who spoke about her battle with bipolar disorder and urged others to get help.
NOT TRUMP. As it was at the Republican convention with Hillary, many Democratic speakers went out of their way to explain how disastrous a Trump presidency would be for America. In a nutshell (SpongeBob is so appropriate here): “He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!” “He did?” “No, but are we just going to wait around until he does?”
MICHELLE OBAMA. It clearly was too much for the Twitterverse to refrain from plagiarism jokes as the first lady spoke (you know, because Melania Trump lifted parts of a previous Obama speech, har har but really ugh, can we move on?). Obama endorsed Clinton and talked about how the president's character influences children, a speech that prompted an approving tweet from her husband.
BERNIE SANDERS. Despite the morning dustups, there was no mass revolt when Sanders admonished the crowd to support Clinton. They responded wildly as he talked about pet issues like income inequality. But otherwise, people mostly were on their best behavior (either that, or the angriest Bernie Bros lost their voices earlier in the day).

WHAT TO EXPECT ON DAY 2

Barring any Sanders nomination shenanigans, delegates are expected to confirm Hillary Clinton’s nomination in a roll call vote. (Can’t-miss streaming: How representatives describe their states during the process. Last week’s GOP convention description of Connecticut – the home of Pez and nuclear submarines – was pretty epic.)
Bill Clinton, former president and potential First Man (First Laddie? First Dude? No one seems to have the terminology set) also will take the stage.
But the most talked-about speeches likely will come from the mothers of Michael Brown, whose death spurred days of rioting in Ferguson, Mo., and Trayvon Martin, whose death spurred hoodie protests nationwide. They are part of the day’s theme – Mothers of the Movement – that will focus on race and police shootings.

For the Record: The god of irony hates us

BEST (WORST?) OF DNC DAY 1

OPPOSITE DAY, IN WORDS

WHAT TO EXPECT ON DAY 2

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