(AP)

The Super Bowl is coming whether you want it to or not. Maybe you have watched every snap of the season and your team was tragically eliminated (hi, Packers fans). Maybe your team never had a prayer and you’re just glad this is the end until next season (hi, Jets fans). Or maybe, and more likely, you don’t really care that much about football. It’s not that you hate it, you just don’t necessarily like it.

Your ambivalence is palpable the moment you enter the room. Fellow Super Bowl revelers see you, they know you, and you can bet that they are judging you. So how do you deal with the six-hour Super Bowl viewing experience? Fear not, we have you covered.

1. Your team isn’t playing

Pretend

It’s OK. Just pretend the Seahawks are actually your team. Tom Brady has been your entire franchise for the past 15 years. Sure, everyone else has a problem with Pete Carroll or Bill Belichick’s tactics but they’ve carried your team to unmatched of success and you love them.

Feels good, right?

Gamble

Place a string of prop bets to cover you through all four quarters and you will be glued to the television like the degenerate you always thought you could be.

Root for your conference

The most reasonable of these three suggestions. Just adopt a team for six hours, and when it’s all over, resolve that it will be your team in 2016. Even if we all know it won’t be.

2. You never watch football

Commercials

There are two ways of going about this. The first is to prewatch every Super Bowl commercials here, and then spoil them for everyone (“THE PUPPY MAKES IT HOME“). The second is to experience them all with for the first time. Remember when Terry Tate first tackled a coworker sitting at his cubicle? Or the Budweiser frogs? Or every GoDaddy commercial? That type of elation can’t be experienced in nature, with friends, family or loved ones. No, the endorphins triggered by the crystal clear 1080i high definition picture of a television are special and are at their most potent during the Super Bowl.

(Getty)

Halftime

Katy Perry is performing at halftime. Whether her show is good or bad, there will be a conversation afterwards and that will be your moment to participate!

Food

Put all of your energy into a) Preparing an amazing spread, b) Consuming someone else’s amazing spread, or c) Critiquing the spread. All are rewarding in their own ways.

3. You’re trapped at a friend’s Super Bowl party

Snoop through the medicine cabinet

This is a good way to never get invited again, start a conversation (“Hey, did you know you were almost out of Mylanta?”), and get ideas for their next birthday gift.

Find someone with strong views about marijuana use in the NFL and argue the opposite side

YOU HAVE STRONG VIEWS ABOUT JOSH GORDON AND THEY WILL BE HEARD ONCE YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY ARE.

Double dip the chip

Argument for: It’s not like putting your whole mouth in the bowl, and fiscally responsible.

Argument against: It’s gross.

4. You are from Boston or Seattle

Loudly cheer for the one player you know

You haven’t watched a minute of regular or postseason action to date, but your hometown team is playing in front of the world. So you dust off that unused fandom and pull for the one guy you know.

Examples: “Yeah, Brady!”, “Look at Sherman! Great read.”, “Whatever happened to Aaron Hernandez?”

(USA TODAY Sports Images)

Share your theory on Deflategate

Don’t be shy, everyone wants to know what you think happened.

After every good play by the opposing team, bring up how they’re probably cheating.

Russell Wilson rolls out of the pocket and connects with Jermaine Kearse for a 30-yard reception. People around you cheer and high five. And you?

“That’s a well-timed route. Hey speaking of timing, remember when Pete Carroll ran from USC right before they were hit with debilitating sanctions? That was great timing.”

Rooting against the Patriots and Tom Brady connects with Rob Gronkowski for a 12-yard touchdown?

“Check the balls.”