Voices: When will bosses stop calling women abrasive?

I am mad, perhaps "abrasively" so.

As a 20-something, driven, female news editor at USA TODAY, one of the most difficult parts of my job is worrying about coming off as " too direct, combative, pushy, aggressive, abrasive, bossy." (Pick your word, Sheryl Sandberg laments in Lean In, her book about bias toward working women.)

Women in the workplace who are called these names — or thought of in those ways — can suffer a loss of confidence that may result in fewer female leadership roles.

That's bad for women. It's also bad for business.

I come home and second-guess myself: Did male execs hear my point but get turned off by its directness? Will it hurt me long-term if I develop a "too-strong" reputation? Do I need to be nicer to thrive?

In a recent Fortune article, "The Abrasive Trap: High-achieving men and women are described differently in reviews," the author collected multiple performance evaluations from 105 men and 75 women at 28 small to large technology companies.

Some findings:

• Personality criticism, such as "watch your tone," shows up twice in 83 critical reviews received by men, compared with 71 of 94 critical reviews received by women.

• The word "abrasive" is used 17 times to describe 13 different women.

Thankfully, I have received good reviews to date. But what if the positive feedback diminishes as I move up? I'll be honest: My goal is editor in chief.

About 35% of those in supervisory roles at newspapers are women and nearly 40% of television news directors are women. Still, there is about a $10,000 pay disparity between male and female journalists, according to 2014 statistics collected by the Poynter Institute, a laboratory for learning geared to working journalists.

I was incensed by the article and these statistics because I am scared of being a woman with a strong personality who wants to succeed. So I went looking for guidance.

"People who are passionate about quality of craft can be abrasive in relating to people who they think are underperforming," says Jill Geisler, an expert on leadership and management at Poynter Institute. "But when you build credibility and trust, you get what are called idiosyncrasy credits."

News is a serious, fast-paced business, much like the tech world written about in Fortune, and editors have to be decisive to get important information to audiences fast.

I also went to USA TODAY senior editor Anne Willette to talk about how she approaches work. Over the years, I've observed she's tough, calm under pressure, smart, fair and compassionate. (In Anne we trust, is something I say often.)

Willette says she's never been called "abrasive" in a review or in conversations with superiors. Still, she recognizes that issues persist in gender parity in the workplace.

"I get a lot of people, men, especially, coming to me and jokingly saying, 'I'm scared of you' and I think that is sort of the kidding way maybe of saying abrasive. It's something I just roll with," Willette says. "But the things I say ... are no different than the things my male colleagues in similar positions are saying and no one is going up to them saying, 'I'm scared of you."'

Geisler agrees. "Stereotypical thinking about women is real. Women have to work harder to overcome it."

My takeaway from their sage advice: Work hard. Enjoy what you do. And embrace who you are.

Deep, cleansing breath. Let's move forward.

Durando is a news editor at USA TODAY.