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Grading Aaron Rodgers’ brother Jordan's performance on 'The Bachelorette': Week 1

This is “Grading Aaron Rodgers’ brother Jordan’s performance on The Bachelorette.” Here’s what’s happening: This season, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ brother Jordan — who had a brief stint in the NFL and Canadian Football League himself — is a contestant on The Bachelorette. I will be tracking his progress and analyzing how he’s playing for as long as he can hang in there. I invite you to come along on this journey with me as Jordan tries to capture The Bachelorette equivalent of the Lombardi trophy: JoJo Fletcher’s heart.

THE BACHELORETTE - Jo Jo Fletcher first stole America's heart on Ben Higgins season of "The Bachelor," where she charmed both Ben and Bachelor Nation with her bubbly personality and sweet, girl-next-door wit and spunk. Jo Jo embarks on her own journey to find love when she stars in the 12th edition of "The Bachelorette," which premieres on MONDAY, MAY 23 on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Craig Sjodin) JORDAN

ABC/Craig Sjodin

Hello! Welcome to the first installment of grading Aaron Rodgers’ brother Jordan (pictured above) on The Bachelorette. I’m so thrilled you’re buckling up for this wild ride with me, because after watching the premiere, I think Jordan is going to have a really good season. Like, if the finale is the Super Bowl, I think Jordan will at least make it to the AFC or NFC Championship game. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up playing for the title, too.

I’m not just saying this because I’ve gotten weirdly invested in Jordan’s Bachelorette journey, which began when I was combing through the cast bios and discovered he is the brother of Aaron and couldn’t believe this was actually happening and effectively lost my mind. No, I’m saying this because, after his stellar performance tonight, there is no way he doesn’t make it far.

His intro video: A-

For those of you unfamiliar with the structure of The Bachelorette, a few of the contestants get intro videos in the first episode that show each man in his natural habitat. Grant, for example, is a fireman from San Francisco, so they show him hiking with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background, then driving his fire truck in uniform while he talks about how sensitive he is or something. I don’t really know — I’m not paying attention because he isn’t Jordan.

BUT WAIT!!! Grant’s video ends and all of a sudden we’re driving by fields of cows. I have a good feeling about this. AND YES! There’s Jordan on a football field (of course he’s on a football field), his asymmetrical haircut flopping around in the rain as he throws the ol’ pigskin on his home town gridiron.

Jordan is now talking about how he grew up playing catch with his dad and brothers, and he tells us that his brother is, indeed, Aaron, of Green Bay and dating-Olivia-Munn fame. Jordan always wanted to be in the NFL, he says, but “it wasn’t an easy path,” and his family’s expectations were high. He’s proud he managed play for three teams (they all dropped him, but that doesn’t matter), as well as in the Canadian Football League, but says it took a real toll on his relationship, and he lost the girl he loved.

He also says that he wants to start a family, and I’m super skeptical about that because he’s always clubbing on Instagram.

He ends the video with “I hope she makes me her No. 1 draft pick,” which is a football metaphor and therefore perfect.

Also: This seems like a good sign for Jordan’s path forward, because why would they give Jordan an intro video if Jordan doesn’t stick around for a while?

The first impression: A+

THE BACHELORETTE - "1201" - Successful and stunning real estate developer JoJo Fletcher, 25, gets a second chance at her happily-ever-after, choosing from twenty-six handsome bachelors. After being devastated last season by a shocking rejection from Bachelor Ben Higgins, who confessed his love to both her and Lauren Bushnell, the Texan beauty is ready to leave that heartbreak behind and write her very own love story as the Bachelorette. JoJo will embark on her own journey to find her soul mate when she stars in the 12th edition of ABC's hit romance reality series, "The Bachelorette," which will premiere at a special time MONDAY, MAY 23 (9:01-11:00 p.m. EDT), on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Rick Rowell) JORDAN, JOJO FLETCHER

ABC/Rick Rowell

He’s first! He gets out of the limo first! The door opens and it’s Jordan! This is awesome. And JoJo basically wants to run into the house after him, she’s so into it. The chemistry between them is crazy.

And you know what it is? It’s that Jordan’s so confident. Judging by how sure he is of himself around JoJo, he strikes me as a guy who hasn’t been rejected by many women before. Which makes sense, I guess — you play quarterback at Vanderbilt, you do a bit of time in the NFL, your brother is super famous, you have one of those trendy haircuts that sometimes flops off-kilter and looks kind of dumb but still manages to be endearing…you’re a probably guy who doesn’t get turned down much.

So Jordan just strolls on in as though he’s already won. He’s like, “Oh, I’m sorry, this is a competition? Hah, that’s funny, I’ve got a bye week every week until the finale, so I’ll see you there, losers.”

His schtick could get old, but it’s effective for now. I wanted to throw out a flag at the producers for having him go first, because it just wasn’t fair to the other guys.

Hanging with the other dudes: A

A lot of these other contestants are starting to get antsy and being petty with each other as they get more and more nervous that they won’t get enough face time with JoJo.

But not Jordan. No, he’s a man who is so NOT worried about the men around him that he can actually befriend them! Even though his stint in the NFL wasn’t super successful, he’s definitely used to a) competition and b) the whole locker room vibe, which is essentially what this house is. One giant, awful, cologne-soaked locker room full of guys who are hoping to get their own reality shows when this whole “looking for love” thing doesn’t pan out.

Do I think this camaraderie will last? No. I think the other men will hate him very, very soon.

One-on-one time with JoJo: A++++++++

THE BACHELORETTE - "1201" - Successful and stunning real estate developer JoJo Fletcher, 25, gets a second chance at her happily-ever-after, choosing from twenty-six handsome bachelors. After being devastated last season by a shocking rejection from Bachelor Ben Higgins, who confessed his love to both her and Lauren Bushnell, the Texan beauty is ready to leave that heartbreak behind and write her very own love story as the Bachelorette. JoJo will embark on her own journey to find her soul mate when she stars in the 12th edition of ABC's hit romance reality series, "The Bachelorette," which will premiere at a special time MONDAY, MAY 23 (9:01-11:00 p.m. EDT), on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Rick Rowell) JOJO FLETCHER, NICK S.

ABC/Rick Rowell

“He’s confident and sexy,” JoJo says. “He’s helping my nerves go away, it feels so good to be sitting here with him right now.”

Jordan is KILLING IT! This fact is is corroborated by a friend of mine.

“Tell me about you, how’ve the last couple months been?” Jordan asks, which is a simple, brilliant line in that it shows JoJo that he actually wants to know about her rather than just impress her with some dumb party trick like stripping and jumping in the pool (lookin’ at you, Daniel). And he then listens to the answer. Also, high score for not name-dropping his brother in week 1, and knowing he doesn’t need to.

The first kiss: A+

Hooo boy, talk about a smooth operator: Jordan knows he could’ve kissed JoJo earlier and he’s bummed he didn’t. So after Will kisses JoJo and it’s awkward and weird, Jordan swoops in like a backup QB saving the day, makes out with her, and JoJo is smitten. I almost want to say game over, but that’s not how this works — we’ve got a whole bunch of other franchises in the form of suited men to contend with.

But if I’m JoJo right now, I’m definitely giving Jordan the first impression rose.

Accepting the first impression rose: A

I KNEW IT!!!

Looking ahead to week 2:

Jordan is firmly in the lead now, but the previews for the rest of the season are INSANE: Jordan says “I love you” to JoJo, Chad appears to get terrifyingly violent with some of the other contestants, and none of the other guys end up liking Jordan, as I predicted. Also, playing as well as Jordan did tonight for an entire season is almost unheard of. And even if you do, look what happened to the Patriots in ’07.

So after this week, here are the five guys I’m worried will play their best offense (or defense? this metaphor is hard) and keep Jordan from bringing home the JoJo Lombardi Trophy:

Ali: He’s sensitive, he plays the piano, yadda, yadda.

Luke: Like JoJo, he’s from Texas, so he’s got the home field advantage. He’s also sneaky sexy, he got an intro video, too, and he brought JoJo cowboy boots. If a guy brought me cowboy boots on the first date, I would be very interested in seeing that guy again. I’m probably the most worried about Luke, actually.

James: He’s a little goofy, but he seems really nice, and after all that Ben put her through, maybe that’s what JoJo really wants. A reliable, kind guy who will play the guitar to her at breakfast. He is also from Texas. I think this matters to JoJo, but I can’t be sure.

Robby: He’s a sleeper. He’s going to try to worm his way into JoJo’s heart, and he might be able to. The previews hint that maybe he has a girlfriend back home?

Chad: I think he’ll be a problem until the episode when the police show up. That’s a hard fumble to recover from.

Overall, Week 1: A

At this point, do I think Jordan will win it all? No, because ultimately, I’m pretty sure his confidence — which has started out being his strong suit — will do him in. If I had to call it after week 1, I’d say that Luke ends up victorious, and Jordan’s pre-made championship t-shirts have to be donated to charity once the Luke-colored confetti stops trickling from the sky. But we’ll have to see what happens.

I cannot wait for next week.

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