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Special-needs proms let students sparkle

Natalie DiBlasio
USA TODAY
Julia Alexander, honored guest at the A Night to Remember special-needs prom, cheers her way down the red carpet.

With a red carpet rolled out, paparazzi snapping away and a "You're the Best!" sign waving, John Hengesbaugh struts through the cheering crowd in his tuxedo, giving high fives and waving the whole way.

"It was like I was a celebrity," says Hengesbaugh, 22. "Like I was walking on clouds."

Hengesbaugh, who has Down syndrome, was one of 425 special-needs students dubbed "honored guests" from 70 schools in San Diego County dancing the night away at A Night to Remember, one of a growing number of proms for special-needs students across the country.

The proms, which are sponsored by a variety of organizations, are all different and include students with special needs from blindness to autism. But two things are universal: lots of dancing and no judgment.

"At his school proms, John always feels like an outsider," says mom Judy Hengesbaugh. "But at this event, everybody who goes to the prom feels like they are in the in crowd. Every boy is the king. Every girl is the queen. Every child is greeted as if they are the most important person."

It's clear why. At A Night to Remember, prom-goers get the full treatment: From hairdos and makeup to flowers, jewelry, dresses, tuxedos, pictures and limo rides, everything is free, paid for by donors.

"It feels like you are watching a fairy godmother experience," Judy Hengesbaugh says. "It's something you think would never happen in your child's life. You never imagine that they get to just rock it and have such a feeling of inclusion."

Stay-at-home mom Cheryl Shields and her husband, Rob, 43, an attorney, put on the Night to Remember event at a cost of $30,000 to $40,000, not counting donated items.

"We don't have a special-needs child in our family at all. We saw a similar event in Illinois, and we were just so inspired by how wonderful it was," Cheryl Shields says. "My husband turned to me and said, We are doing this.' "

She says it's a lot of hard work and fundraising, but every moment makes the effort worth it.

"A lot of special-needs students don't get to go to typical proms," she says. "A lot of them are never going to get married. This is that night for them and their family."

In Modesto, Calif., the Society for Disabilities' special-needs prom drew more than 200 attendees of all ages. The event was made more accessible to those who are sensitive to stimulation by forgoing strobe lights, designating some rooms as quiet spaces, turning the music volume low and keeping food bland to avoid allergies.

"No matter how severe somebody's disability is, the music just speaks to them," says Marci Boucher, executive director of the Society for Disabilities. "They all love to dance. It brings out something in them."

In North Carolina, Chase High School in Rutherford County had 300 attendees at its 18th annual Special Needs Prom, which is open to anyone of any age in the county.

Students at the Society for Disabilities' special-needs prom In Modesto, Calif.

"It's a way to give back," says Chase High School principal Greg Lovelace. "The regular school prom is on Friday night. Special-needs students can attend that, and then they can go to an additional free special-needs prom on Saturday night."

Grace Fellowship Church in Johnson City, Tenn., hosted a free Joy Prom, which attracted more than 700 guests of all ages and 200 volunteers in April. There were carnival games, shoe shining, nail polish stations and horse-and-carriage rides.

"It grows every year, and we have a waiting list a week after registration opens," says Emily Webb, office manager at the church. "It's just so much fun."

It's not just the students with special needs who benefit from the events.

"It's the greatest feeling and the most incredible thing that I have ever done," says Eric Zhevel, 17, a senior at Junipero Serra High School in San Diego who was paired with a student with special needs at A Night to Remember. "It's like any other high school dance if you minus the awkwardness and multiply the happiness."

For Julia Alexander, 18, the countdown has already started for next year's prom.

"People like me are important but a lot of times no one recognizes us — we feel alone," says Alexander, who has Williams syndrome, which causes cardiovascular disease, developmental delays and learning disabilities. "I felt so beautiful that night. I loved the red carpet so much I went down three times. Everyone wanted my autograph and to take pictures with me. It was the best."

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