5 ways George R.R. Martin could finish Book 6 faster
On Saturday, George R.R. Martin confirmed what Game of Thrones fans have feared all along: He won't have his sixth book, The Winds of Winter, ready to go by the time Season 6 of the HBO hit series arrives in April.
"I am months away still... and that's if the writing goes well," he confessed on his LiveJournal page, estimating that he has hundreds of pages left to fill.
But having read the first five installments of his Song of Ice and Fire series, we have a few ideas about what he could cut in order to get those pages in our hot little hands sooner than later. (And he wouldn't even have to upgrade from his 1980s word-processing program.)
And consider this your spoiler alert if you haven't read the books or seen all of Season 5 yet.
5. Sayonara, Zombie Catelyn Stark
You know that the theory that Melisandre will bring Jon Snow back from the dead in Season 6? That's because it's been done in the books, most famously by Beric Dondarrion, who had been resurrected more times than Carson Daly's career. He revived Catelyn Stark after her throat was slashed at the Red Wedding.
That was kind of jarring coming from an author who professes to find "comic book deaths" and subsequent character resurrections "cheap." And it did feel cheap.
Zombie Catelyn was a shadow of her former self. Let her rest. Plus, if Jon is coming back to life courtesy of the Red Woman and if he is her new Azor Ahai, he'll have enough on his plate without his resentful sorta-stepmom hanging around in undead form.
4. Shorten — or cut — some of the sex scenes
We say this because we read all five tomes in audiobook form and while Roy Dotrice is a fine narrator, it skeeved us out a bit to hear an elderly British man reading all the sexy-time stuff (to say nothing of the incest and rape) to us as we sipped coffee on the way to the office.
3. Lose the song lyrics
Sure, we enjoy The Rains of Castamere and The Bear and the Maiden Fair but minstrels are better heard on TV than read in books. Give the lyrics to composer Ramin Djawidi (who we can't believe has never received an Emmy nomination for his gorgeous GOT scores) and get on with the action There. 50 pages cut.
2. We don't need to hear all of Daenerys Targaryen's titles over and over again
Once a book is fine. Not every time she meets someone new. Martin could cut at least another 50 pages by dropping subsequent recitals of "Daenerys Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, called Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons."
1. No more trips to the Iron Islands
While Theon's sister (who's called Asha in the books and Yara in the TV show) is a certified badass, not even she is enough to make us care about who winds up wearing the driftwood crown and sitting on the seashell chair (which frankly sounds even more uncomfortable than the Iron Throne — if that's even possible).