Top frivolous reasons for not paying taxes

One more day to go before the April 15 tax deadline, and you may be thinking of reasons why you don't owe taxes.

Here's a message from the IRS: Don't go there. The agency has heard it all before — so much so that it's released a list of top frivolous reasons for not filing taxes. Among the all-time favorites:

Filing taxes is voluntary, and I don't care to volunteer.

Nope. People think this because they see the word "voluntary" in the instructions for form 1040. But in this case, "voluntary" means that you can figure your own taxes, rather than having the government figure it for you. Payment isn't voluntary, either. Nor is compliance with an IRS summons.

There's no gross income when I exchange labor for money, so I owe no income taxes.

Nice try! But no cigar. "Gross income" means all income from whatever source derived and includes compensation for services. And if you're thinking that only foreign income is taxable, you're wrong there, too.

Federal Reserve notes aren't real currency, so if you get paid in dollars, you don't owe taxes. You are so wrong, says the IRS and, more important, the federal courts that will determine your penalty. "This argument misinterprets Article I, Section 10 of the United States Constitution," the IRS says. "The courts have rejected this argument on numerous occasions."

I am a state citizen, not a U.S. citizen, so I don't owe any federal taxes. The IRS directs your attention to the 14th Amendment to the Constitution, and notes that those arguments have been uniformly rejected by the courts.

"The United States" consists only of federal lands, like the District of Columbia; federal territories, like Puerto Rico, and federal enclaves, like military bases. That was an interesting argument back in 1916, when it was first raised and the courts swatted it down like a stinkbug on the screen door. And, no, federal employees aren't the only ones subject to federal taxes.

Taxes are unconstitutional. Actually, they are constitutional, and the IRS is, in fact, a valid agency of the United States. Nice try, though.

What's the worst that could happen if I make one of these arguments?

If the court feels you've filed a frivolous return — and all the above count as frivolous — you'll get a $5,000 fine. You'll owe the taxes, of course, plus penalties and interest. Then there's a felony charge for "willfully making and signing under penalties of perjury any return, statement, or other document that the person does not believe to be true and correct as to every material matter." That can get you three years.