If you want to sum up Jay Gruden’s delusional, revisionist, backhanded-bashing Monday press conference in which he announced Kirk Cousins would start for the Washington Redskins in 2015, look only to his repeated references to “Mr. Snyder,” a man who is two years older than him. When the structure of your organization has a 48-year-old man calling a 50-year-old man “Mister,” especially a man who’s done nothing to earn such respect, mind you, that’s a decent summation of the three-ring circus that is the Washington Redskins. Luckily for us, there was so much more evidence of that today in Gruden’s presser, so we’ve picked our 11 favorite quotes and went from there.

1. On the process of naming Cousins starter: “It’s a decision you don’t make in one day.”

(USA TODAY Sports Images)

Here was Gruden on Aug. 25, 2015, talking about why Griffin would start in Week 3 of the preseason against the Ravens and why he was the team’s starter for good. “That’s just how we decided to do it.”

So not a day, people. You don’t pick you quarterback based on 24 hours. That’s ridiculous. Rome wasn’t built in a day. C’mon. Six days, minimum.

2. “It’s a good problem to have, to have three quarterbacks who are competing.”

“Don’t forget about me!” (AP)

Gruden quickly acknowledged the counter to this: “When you have three quarterbacks, you have none,” but dismissed it because lying to yourself is the only way to get through the next 18 weeks.

3. “Kirk   has   done   everything   in   his   power   to   be   a   supportive   teammate.   He’s   never   done     anything   behind   anyone’s   back,   he’s   done   everything   right.   He’s   moved   the   ball   when   he’s   in   the   football   game.”

I’ve spaced the words further apart to make it easier for you to read between the lines.

4. “[Silence]”

(AP)

When given the chance to heap any praise on Griffin whatsoever, Gruden balked. The best set up wa when he was asked how Robert took the news and whether Gruden himself was surprised by having to give it. Afforded that golden opportunity to speak well of Griffin and his team-first reaction, or whatever coach-speak nonsense he would have spewed, Gruden said nothing, changing the subject entirely.

5. “The door’s not shut on Robert Griffin. He’s a Washington Redskins player.”

What he didn’t add: “Oh, we tried but that [expletive] wouldn’t close.”

6. “I like Robert as a quarterback.”

That’s some A+ parsing. “I think Jay Gruden is great … as a human being.”

(USA TODAY Sports Images)

7. “We will support Kirk [Cousins] in any way we can.”

Again, there’s a chance I could be reading too much into this, but I really don’t think I am.

8. On RG3: “His future with the Washington Redskins is what it is.”

Over? Finito? Done. Razed? Destroyed? Imploded? A disaster that will end up costing two head coaches their job? A trade fiasco that people will lament without realizing the team would have just screwed up those picks anyway?

9. On Dan Snyder: “He wants to win.”

(AP)

I don’t think anyone, anywhere has questioned Dan Snyder’s will to win. They’ve merely questioned his capacity to do so in any and every form.

10. “We believe in Robert.”

This was said seconds after Gruden tried to slip in the information that Griffin’s status as a second- or third-string quarterback was still up in the air.

11. On why he named RG3 the starter in February: “No, I didn’t want to come to every press conference and be asked who’s starting. We just wanted to put all the distraction aside.”

Mission accomplished.