Michael Brown, Sr.: 'A piece of me is gone'

ST. LOUIS — The father of Michael Brown still grieves for his son, but finds solace in the change spurred by the teenager's death as the one-year anniversary of his Aug. 9 shooting nears.

Michael Brown, Sr., plans to remain visible in an effort to get justice for his son and others killed by police officers, he told USA TODAY on Friday. He's proud of national and local efforts that followed his son's death, including the ouster of several Ferguson, Mo., leaders, President Obama's Task Force on 21st Century Policing and increased use of police body cameras around the country.

Yet, as Aug. 9 approaches, the father relives those treacherous moments when he first learned his son was dead at 18.

"All the emotions, all the thoughts, the scenes, everything are just repeating themselves," the 37-year-old man said. "A piece of my heart, a piece of my soul, a piece of me is gone that I can never get back."

Police officer Darren Wilson shot Michael Brown Jr. on Aug. 9, 2014, in Ferguson, Mo. The shooting led to massive protests that at times turned violent.

On Nov. 24, a grand jury decided not to indict Wilson, a white man. In response, rioters looted and burned down more than a dozen businesses in the St. Louis area. However, other peaceful sustained protests followed under the slogan #BlackLivesMatter, which remains active.

Following the Ferguson uproar, a Justice Department review found the Ferguson Police Department engaged in a broad pattern of racially biased enforcement that permeated the city's justice system, including the use of unreasonable force against African American suspects. The DOJ investigation criticized Ferguson's police chief, city manager and a judge, resulting in their resignations.

Across the country, police trainings on community engagement and de-escalating tense encounters have increased. Some departments have also raced to buy body cameras while others have added more diversity discussions.

Additionally, President Obama has banned the sale of some kinds of military equipment to local law enforcement agencies, following widespread criticism of a paramilitary-like response to protests in Ferguson.

Brown Sr. said he's glad his son's name is tied to such initiatives. Still, the country has much more work to do. He's started a foundation, Chosen For Change, aimed at empowering youth, strengthening families and giving back.

"It's a lot of things that still need to be changed outside of Ferguson," Brown said. "I can't say all police are bad. I want to say that. But it's hard to pick them out of a haystack. You don't know who you are running into and people are tired. They are fed up."

Brown added that justice for him would be winning the wrongful death civil lawsuit he and his son's mother, Lesley McSpadden, have filed against the city of Ferguson, former police chief Thomas Jackson and Wilson.

The father also reflected on the latest case of alleged police misconduct against African Americans. Former University of Cincinnati police officer Ray Tensing has been charged with murder in the July 19 shooting death of Samuel DuBose, 43, an unarmed black man the officer pulled over for a missing front license plate. Tensing was indicted this week and has pleaded not guilty.

"I'm very happy for the family that they are getting some type of justice," Brown said of DuBose's family. "The police have to do a better job of what they are doing. This is the reason why people are very upset."

He applauded activists in Cincinnati who say they won't let demonstrations turn violent. Brown said that's the right approach and urged people demonstrating next week in St. Louis to also keep activities peaceful as they remember his son on the anniversary of his death.

"We don't need no destruction going on around that time," Brown said. "We are still mourning the loss of our son."

As his thoughts continuously turn to his son, Brown tries to remain strong. He visits the teen's grave often and frequently eats at the teen's favorite Brazilian restaurant to remember happier times.

"We aren't stopping this fight," he said. "But at the end of the day, we lost — we lost our son."