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Luke Skywalker vanishes as Jedi Knights banned from Galactic Olympics

Daniel Uthman
USA TODAY Sports

CORUSCANT – Luke Skywalker has vanished. Now we know why.

Luke Skywalker and  Yoda brought controversy to the Galactic Olympics.

A droid with direct knowledge of the situation told USA TODAY Sports that Luke Skywalker’s self-imposed exile was partly due to frustrations over the banning of Jedi Knights from competition in the Galactic Olympics. The droid spoke on the condition of anonymity because of the force sensitivity of the matter.

Attempts to reach Skywalker were unsuccessful, especially for the First Order.

The inclusion of Jedi as Galactic Olympic athletes first had come into question during the Summer Games on Tattooine, when dozens of Jedi competitors were found to have excessively high midi-chlorian levels in their blood.

Gold medal wins by Skywalker-trained athletes in pole vault and platform dive and a medal sweep of fencing and weightlifting events outraged their rivals, particularly the always temperamental Sith. Jedi athletes medaled in every event except the shooting sports, which were won by the First Order after yet another disappointing performance by the Empire. “You could say they choked,” First Order Olympic Committee chair Kylo Ren said at the time.

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Yet criticism of the Jedi’s presence peaked during the most recent Summer Games on Naboo, when opponents in the baseball competition grew frustrated at facing Jedi team member Yoda. It was partly due to his remarkably small strike zone at the plate, but mostly for his ability to send a pitch over the outfield fence without the need of a bat.

The outcry was so shrill, the event was pulled from Olympic competition shortly thereafter.

Sitting in his office in this city-planet, Galactic Olympic Committee president Lando Calrissian said he was dismayed but resigned to upholding the ban of the Jedi. The Sith representatives on the committee had pushed through the agenda with the speed of a bolt of blue lightning. “In a lifetime of deal-making,” he said, “this might be the one I regret most.”

Calrissian was then reminded by this reporter of a deal he made with Darth Vader on the Cloud City of Bespin decades ago. “Why you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler,” he snapped. “You’ve got a lot of guts coming here.”

After regaining his composure, Calrissian said preparations for the upcoming Galactic Summer Olympics on the tropical planet of Yavin 4 remain on schedule. He also said that in the wake of the Resistance forces’ destruction of Starkiller Base, the next Galactic Winter Games will be held on Hoth, site of all previous Galactic Winter Games.

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