The good people at Cincy Jungle are lying to us. They’re creating a shabby product. They’ve actually found a way to doctor .gif images to make Bengals’ players look much faster than they really are.

I mean, look at this.

Clip courtesy of Cincy Jungle and SB Nation http://www.cincyjungle.com/2015/10/26/9618020/tyler-eifert-reliable-redzone-threat-when-bengals-need-him-most

It inspired a recent conversation with CJ kingpin Josh Kirkendall, a great writer and all-around great guy, except when he’s a total dicknose.

Here’s how it went down:

Ya think we weren’t going to notice, Josh — if that’s your real name — that you’re getting us to believe, suddenly, that Chad Johnson suddenly grew four inches, put on 60 pounds and can now, at age 38, move as fast as he did in his prime? This dude’s white! That’s a Photoshopped Ochocino. I’m looking at it right now. The guy in this clip has to be like 6-foot-5, 260, and he’s moving like your boy Johnson did back in ’05.

And like that’s Andy Dalton throwing him the ball. He tossed three picks in the Steelers’ 27-21 win in Week 17 last year. You’re expecting us to believe the Bengals are suddenly this totally different team?

Whatever.

You’ve got multiple clips of Super-imposed White Ochocinco:

Photo courtesy of Cincy Jungle and SB Nation

No clue who the Chargers’ safety (emphasis added) was covering him, because there’s no way that’s Jason Verrett, one of the best cover corners in the game. If this was Madden, and we could create a one-armed catching guy at that size with this kind of agility, we’d easily start a season 6-0.

Look, there’s really no defending this catch. Hell, if anything, you might say the defensive back got there a beat early. Next, you’re going to tell me this behemoth then drug the defender another seven yards after the catch because he outweighs him by a solid 80 pounds. You’re too much, Kirk.

…Another 12 yards you say, huh? hmmm…

And this guy is real? He’s not a computer-enhanced nightmare sent to impose fear on the Steelers’ back seven, sort of like a big Kyle Reese? He’s healthy enough to play Sunday?

You say the Steelers haven’t really seen him before, huh? Clearly, that’s because you just signed him out of some kind of Red Soviet holdover country that feeds its citizens PEDs while making them wrestle with bears.

…The 2013 draft, huh? Really? Well, the Steelers would have taken him if he fell-what’s that? TWENTY FIRST OVERALL? But we drafted 17th that year, and we took…umm…ya know what Josh? You don’t worry about who we took. … Jarvis, ok? Jarvis! … JARVIS JONES! … Never heard of him?? Well, shows what you know, Jones is, uh…he’s, well, Jones had a lot of sacks in college! He’s out there every game. Most games. Some games. He’s a work-in-progress, ok? … No, I don’t think he has a sack against the Bengals. … Why is that so funny, there are lots of teams Jones doesn’t have sacks against, guy. You’re in no exclusive club or anything.

… His name’s Eifert, huh? … Actually, no, I wouldn’t find it funny if Eifert got locked on Jones in coverage. … Bengals get him on outside linebackers a lot, you say?

This could be a problem. The Steelers linebackers aren’t fast enough to keep up with such a man. Their cornerbacks are fun-sized version of average-sized cornerbacks. How are the Steelers going to compete with him?

… Oh, I see…you don’t care. That’s just not neighborly of you, Josh. No holiday card for you bucko. I hate you, and I hate your ass face.

… Yep, we’ll chat after the game. Later Josh.