(Photofest)

It was announced this week that the seventh film in Sylvester Stallone’s epic Rocky series will be released the day before Thanksgiving. To kill time in between the nine months left before Creed his theaters, FTW ranked the other six Rocky films, from worst to best.

6. Rocky V (1990)

Tommy Morrison after winning the real heavyweight title. (AP)

It starts off so great — with Rocky punch drunk from his win over Ivan Drago and wondering what’s next. Then it takes a bad turn, with Stallone’s real son Sage playing his fake son in the film (think Sofia Coppola in Godfather III). Though there are some redeeming parts, it’s ultimately a disappointment and could cynically be viewed as a cash-grab, though even that failed. The movie only grossed $40 million, by far the lowest in the series.

In retrospect, this comes off as a tragedy given the fate of Tommy Morrison, who played Stallone’s protege Tommy Gunn in the film. At the time of filming, he was an up-and-comer in the actual ring. Morrison defeated 44-year-old George Foreman to win the title in 1993, but his life went into a freefall after. He lost a tune-up fight to a Rocky-like palooka ahead of a potential bout with Lennox Lewis that would have brought a $7.5 million payout. Three years later, he contracted HIV and spent the rest of his life running afoul of the law, culminating with a two-year jail sentence in 2000. He died in 2013 at age 44.

5. Rocky Balboa (2006)

(MGM)

The original ending for Rocky V had Rocky dying in the arms of Adrian. After watching Rocky Balboa, that might not have been a bad way to close the series. It’s not that Rocky Balboa is bad, per se, it’s just unnecessary. It reminds me 0of Live Free or Die Hard, the fourth movie in that series that has no business being as good as it is. But, as with the Rocky series, with so many great movies preceding it, I can’t imagine anyone choosing to sit and watch this film for a second time, not when you can flip on one of the following:

4. Rocky II (1979)

This is tough: The climactic ending is perhaps the best moment in the series and the beginning (with Apollo challenging Rocky to a rematch while in the hospital after the first fight) is great too. But after Rocky retired following his detached retina diagnosis (such a scene would play out in real life three years later with Sugar Ray Leonard), the film meanders through Adrian drama: the wedding, the fight with Pauley, the premature birth and yada, yada, yada. But that ending: Hoo boy, it’s great.

3. Rocky (1976)

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We’re not going to kowtow to Hollywood simply because Sly Stallone’s breakout film was awarded Best Picture. I mean, this is the Academy that gave the same award to Crash and Argo. This is not to say Rocky was Crash — not at all. So many movies have tried the David and Goliath formula, but none hit it as well as the original Rocky. It was a revelation in the feel-good, post-Nixon, bicentennial era. That pro-America hopefulness is a large reason why it won Best Pic. How could you resist?

That Rocky lost at the end only made it better; Stallone showed he wasn’t afraid to make his hero flawed and may have pioneered the idea of ending a film to lead into an inevitable sequel. It was the first movie he ever wrote but contrary to popular conception, he didn’t direct the original. That honor belonged to John G. Avildsen. Stallone has written and directed every sequel, but will hand the reins to Fruitvale Station‘s Ryan Coogler for Creed. Like Stallone, Coogler is a relative Hollywood neophyte. His critically acclaimed debut was the feature only film he’s written or directed.

(AP)

Rocky was a cultural phenomenon in the mid-70s, making $117 million after its release in 1976, the best for any film that year and ruling the box office for eight winter weekends in 1976 and 1977. That $117 million equates to approximately $457 million in today’s today’s dollars. (To put that in perspective, the top grossing film of 2014 — likely to be American Sniper — is expected to end its run somewhere south of $350 million) Rocky was a massive, out-of nowhere smash.

So why is it No. 3 on our list? First, because the best Rocky film ended the Cold War. Secondly, the pacing is a little slow and Adrian is poorly written, setting the standard as the wet-blanket girlfriend in a sports movie. (She’d remain that way until her “death” in between Rocky V and Rocky Balboa.) Third, it’s not as re-watchable as the films it’s ranked behind. But don’t take this ranking as an insult. Rocky is good. It’s really, really good. Since it’s not on TV as much as the sequels, you may have forgotten just how great it is. The montages are still mimicked today, Rocky’s running of the steps at the Philadelphia art museum is one of the most iconic moments in film history, Bill Conti’s score still raises goosebumps and the press conference scene and fight are still great today.

2. Rocky III (1982)

Even if the film was just 90 minutes of Rocky and Apollo running on the beach, this would still be in the top three.

This movie has it all: Mr. T, Hulk Hogan and the onscreen death of the guy who played the Penguin on the original Batman TV series. (It was a shame seeing Mickey go, but a natural progression in the course of a film series — though it should have been you, Adrian.)

Clubber Lang is the best villain in the Rocky series. Sure, Drago killed Apollo, but he never told Adrian to come to his apartment to “come see a real man.” The fight scenes were brutal. Two years ago we did an epic breakdown of the Lang-Balboa fight at Madison Square Garden and found that Rocky landed 175 of his 180 punches which, I don’t know, sounds pretty good.

In the end, Lang’s prediction of “pain” turned out to be correct, except he was on the receiving end of it. Not even this year’s Knicks team fell as hard as Clubber eventually did. (I made the same joke in 2013, but the beauty of the Knicks is that it’ll always be timely.)

1. Rocky IV (1985)

Rocky ends Communism. The end.

When you break it down, there’s not a lot to Rocky IV. Apollo asks if Rocky wants to ring the bell (ding, ding), Apollo announces he’s facing Soviet powerhouse Ivan Drago in an exhibition, Adrian is worried, James Brown sings as Apollo dances in a top hat, Adrian is worried, Warner Wolf can’t get over the size of this Russian, Drago obliterates Apollo in the first round …

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Adrian is worried, Rocky doesn’t throw the damn towel, Adrian is worried, Drago kills Apollo, Drago makes no apologies for killing Apollo, Rocky decides to avenge Apollo’s death in a fight in the Soviet Union, Rocky goes to the USSR, Paulie asks if this is Russia — “don’t look so hot Rock,” Drago takes anabolic steroids, Drago works out with the best technology 1985 has to offer, Brigette Nielsen looks on concerned and sexily, a bearded Rocky trains the old-fashioned way — in Siberia with the KGB following him, there are many montages (seriously, half the movie is a montage) …

… Rocky fights Drago on Christmas Day, the fight doesn’t start well for Rocky, Adrian is worried,  eventually Rocky fights better, Adrian is still pretty worried, the Soviet crowd gets behind Rocky and eventually starts chanting his name, the evil Soviet guy leaves his luxury box to go ringside and yell at Drago for this embarrassment, Drago picks him up and says he fights “for me (dlya sebya!), for me (dlya sebya!),” …

… Mikhail Gorbachev eventually starts cheering for Rocky, Rocky knocks out Drago, Rocky makes a speech in which he says lots of words in English that are suspiciously translated into far fewer Russian words, Adrian looks less worried, Rocky says that if yous can change then we all can change and, not coincidentally, the Cold War ends a few years later.

In the end Drago wasn’t fighting dyla sebya, he was fighting for the people of earth. So, while Rockys 1-3 are fantastic, I’ll take the end to a 35-year nuclear arms race and the threat of mutually assured destruction over chasing some chickens, punching slabs of beef and Thunder Lips. Thank you, Rocky.

(MGM/UA)