Asian-American students share their struggles in #MyBananaStory

Walbert Castillo

University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

"After moving to the US, I tried to fit in for sure, but it wasn't my appearance that I tried so desperately to change. I was proud of being different. I was proud of the fact that I ate hotdogs for breakfast and packed rice for lunch. What I wasn't proud of was my accent. I don't know why, but I tried really hard to 'normalize' it. Maybe it's because that was the only way I could think of for them to listen to me without immediately branding me as a foreigner...so I could make them understand that just because I have a Filipino lifestyle, that doesn't mean I'm a foreigner. I'm just really glad I found the few, open-minded people in my earlier years in the US who invested time in getting to know me while appreciating my culture, and not just judging it from afar," said Charmaine Balisalisa, director of creative enterprises of Paradox.

Some individuals consider the banana to simply be a sweet, crescent-shaped fruit. But for some Asian-American students at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, it has a different connotation.

Like them, it’s something that’s yellow on the outside and white on the inside.

Which is why Paradox, an Asian-American sociopolitical rights organization at U. of Illinois, created My Banana Story. It brings awareness to Asian Americans who have felt alienated, bullied or suffered from social anxiety while assimilating to American culture and society.

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Alex Wen, co-founder of Paradox and a recent U. of Illinois graduate, says the banana represents Asian Americans’ desire to be white and socially accepted. And My Banana Story, he says, highlights the internal conflicts Asian Americans faced growing up.

Paradox members’ Facebook profile pictures feature photos of themselves holding a banana to their head, which symbolizes a gun according to Bing Wang, the Paradox director of communications. And each picture caption tells the members’ respective stories, featuring the hashtag #MyBananaStory.

“This idea was to pose in a way where we’re committing suicide,” says Wen. “Because (My Banana Story) is this idea of killing your own identity in order to conform.”

“Racial slurs, death threats, and getting spit at was not what I was expecting from high school when I first entered during my freshmen year. After getting off at my bus stop, another student calls me a word I won’t write on here. But I respond rather passively, trying not to escalate the situation. However, he shoves me and calls me a 'dirty chink' so I respond with some expletives. He goes on calling me more offensive and racial words, the usual targeted racial stereotypes like you smell gross because of your food, your eyes are too small, you sound weird and others that aren’t written as nicely as the previous ones. Normally, this would have constituted in punches being thrown. But despite the spitting, yelling, and shoving, I held back because I believed what he was saying. It made me account my own social and academic failures to my culture rather than myself. So I changed. I tried to be as 'American' as possible. A while later, my family visited Taiwan. I fell in love with my culture again. But once again, I wasn’t accepted. Every day I would play basketball at the same courts with the same groups of people. I was not seen as Taiwanese though. They clearly saw me as American through names, actions, and remarks. I wasn’t seen as American in America and I wasn’t seen as Taiwanese in Taiwan. I had no culture to identify with. I was a 'banana' and it took me years to find myself again," said Matthew Hom, director of media of Paradox.

Alice Yao, a representative of the White House Initiative on Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders, said the stories provide an outlet for Asian-American students to share their experiences and find strength through common themes.

The Asian Pacific American Coalition (APAC) co-hosted a workshop with Paradox at the Asian American Cultural Center on U. of Illinois’ campus Feb. 25. The workshop’s co-chairs, Christina Malibiran and Sarah Park, say its purposed is to provide an outlet through which students could publicly share and reflect upon their respective banana stories.

“The movement is a great way for Asian-American students on campus to talk more about student activism or political activism when sharing about their identity,” says Kenneth Importante, assistant director of the Asian American Cultural Center at U. of Illinois.

Prior to arriving at the U. of Illinois, Melanie Chiu, a freshman and member of Paradox, says she had never heard the word “banana” used to describe an Asian American. But when Chiu learned what the term meant and what it was associated with, she joined Paradox's efforts to spread awareness..

“There were some individuals who weren’t able to relate to My Banana Story because they’ve never felt white on the inside and yellow on the outside,” says Imee Ignacio, co-director of APAC.

Ignacio says Asian Americans should reclaim the word “banana,” using it as a form of empowerment. While “banana” can have negative connotations, Ignacio says it could -- if used properly -- help students better associate with their culture, identity and ethnicity.

“This is a great way for us, as a campus and community, to share and educate what had happened to many of the students,” says Importante.

Walbert Castillo is a student at University of Illinois at Champaign and a spring 2015 USA TODAY Collegiate Correspondent.

This story originally appeared on the USA TODAY College blog, a news source produced for college students by student journalists. The blog closed in September of 2017.

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