With family finances, it's still battle of the sexes

Wealth coach Barbara Stanny tells her clients, "Talking about money is the ultimate form of intimacy." If so, some American couples are in a dry spell, according to one new study.

Men and women view their roles in the family's finances differently, according to a study commissioned by TD Bank released this week. In particular, men and women still tend to fall in typical gender roles — with women taking a back seat for big financial decisions.

The study polled 1,339 Americans in romantic relationships (involved, engaged or married) across multiple age groups, races and sexual orientations. Half of men in the survey identify themselves as the family's "breadwinner," while only 15% of women said the same, with the rest indicating various degrees of shared earnings. In fact, 72% of men reported making more than their partner, as opposed to only 24% of women.

Gender roles also extended to making large financial decisions: 26% of men answered that they make the large financial decisions in the relationship, compared with only 14% of women. The rest of the women mostly said that large financial decisions were made together. In fact, 54% of women saw the family's money as "ours," compared with 48% of men.

Same-sex couples, on the other hand, were more likely to see expenses as separate, and roles as equal.

TD Bank isn't the first to find lovebirds on different pages about money. The National Endowment for Financial Education found that 1 in 3 people have committed a "financial infidelity" against their partner in a study of 2,035 adults last year. And 4 in 10 people surveyed didn't know how much their partner earned in study of 1,051 couples, released this week by Fidelity Investments.

Stanny is author of Prince Charming isn't Coming: How Women Get Smart about Money.

"Legally, it is very important for each person to have credit in their own name," Stanny said. "But you need your own financial identity. It's important psychologically to not have to ask for permission to spend money you earned."

Stanny suggests that conversations about the couple's joint financial goals happens early and often — and that joint expenses come from a joint account. Everything else can come out of personal accounts, she said.

The TD study also found a correlation between couples' happiness, and having their financial goals aligned.

"Greater communication about anything will make the relationship stronger," said Ryan Bailey, head of the TD Bank department that commissioned the study. "The earlier you do it in the relationship the better."