Christian Peter knows domestic abuse

Long before Ray Rice suited up for an NFL game, years before the video of him knocking out his then-fiancée triggered national outrage, there was another player who epitomized the ugly link between football and violence against women.

His name is Christian Peter, and the police in Lincoln, Neb., knew him well.

During his career as a defensive lineman at Nebraska from 1991 to 1995, he was arrested eight times, convicted four times and accused of assaulting four women. The impact of that violent, troubled history has surfaced anew.

In October, the NFL brought in Peter, along with nine other retired players, for a meeting with Commissioner Roger Goodell and two league advisers to discuss domestic violence, sexual assault and what can be done to address those problems plaguing the NFL. Last week, the league announced a new personal-conduct policy that includes changes in how violent crimes committed by players are dealt with.

Kathy Redmond, who accused Peter of raping her twice at Nebraska, was incensed that the NFL looked to Peter for insight. She says the decision "shuns the victims." Natalie Tysdal, whom Peter was convicted of sexually assaulting while at the school, says she was confused.

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"Is there value in finding out where some of these troubled athletes have gone?" Tysdal told USA TODAY Sports.

As to why the NFL brought in Peter, the league says it is looking everywhere for answers to a vexing problem.

A half-century after the women's movement brought the issue of domestic violence to the forefront, there is no consensus on why it happens or how to prevent it, says former player Troy Vincent, the NFL's executive vice president of football operations, who represented the league at a Senate hearing on mistakes the NFL has made in handling domestic violence cases.

"While some programs indicate they can change the way men view women, there is little proof that any have changed abusive behavior — and none have been shown to work in hard cases or over the long term," Vincent said in an e-mail.

And so the league has included former perpetrators in the discussion. In particular, the NFL says it wanted to hear about Peter's experience, from convicted abuser to self-described reformed family man.

"We need to understand from a player perspective why this happens and what is effective in preventing it and how to conquer it," Vincent said. "We are in no way trying to give credibility to what Christian Peter did — in fact, we deplore it in every sense of the action — but we are trying to understand how he was able to overcome what seemed to be a life-long challenge, what are his current challenges and any other useful information."

Redmond, who received a $50,000 out-of-court settlement from Nebraska after filing a complaint against the school related to her accusations of rape against Peter, expressed disappointment.

"I see Troy's points, but I think he gives credibility to excuses and shuns victims with this move," she said by e-mail, adding that the NFL has neglected victims and "ignored their important perspective."

"(Victims) will tell you the truth about the pressures, lack of support, the system and how it went against them," said Redmond, founder of the National Coalition Against Violent Athletes. "These NFL players won't bring that up."

Peter says he wanted to share the details of his past — and who he says he has become — not only with Goodell and league officials but also with the public. In a series of interviews with USA TODAY Sports, he acknowledged some charges, denied others and said he thinks two years of steroid use in high school might have contributed to his aggression.

He also says he has had years of treatment for alcoholism and anger management. That he has taken medication for depression and attention deficit disorder (ADD). That he has explored a self-loathing that stems in part from dyslexia and learning disabilities. And that he relapsed and recommitted to recovery.

"You've got to understand, I feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world, and I was given a second chance," Peter said. "I'm not the same person."

It was the second day of the 1996 NFL draft. Peter's phone rang. Bill Parcells, then coach of the New England Patriots, was calling to say the team had picked him in the fifth round and Peter should report to the team's headquarters in a few days for rookie camp.

"Yes, sir," Peter said he replied. "I won't let you down."

Within 48 hours, Peter got another call from the Patriots, suddenly under fire from women's groups and others for selecting a player with such a violent history. Peter was being released before he had even suited up.

Almost 20 years later, he calls it the worst day of his life.

"I didn't even want to go through life anymore," Peter told USA TODAY Sports. "I can't say that I had suicidal thoughts. But I thought, 'I don't want to live.'"

Soon after, Peter got another call, from Joel Goldberg, a psychologist who worked with the New York Giants. The two had met during the NFL scouting combine a few months earlier, when they had discussed Peter's disturbing history at Nebraska.

A star on back-to-back national championship teams in 1994 and 1995, Peter had been arrested eight times on charges that included threatening to kill a parking attendant, trespassing, public urination, refusing to comply with police, illegal possession of alcohol and failure to appear in court.

What some found most troubling was the accusations by four women. During interviews with USA TODAY Sports, Peter addressed those accusations.

-- In 1993, a woman filed a police complaint saying Peter invited her to his room in the company of his friends and then sexually assaulted her, holding her down while masturbating in her face. Peter says they met at a strip club, engaged in consensual sex acts after returning to his room and the woman hurriedly left when she heard some of Peter's friends approach the door. He was not charged.

"I do remember we were at a bar, a strip bar, and she was dancing," he said. "She recognized who we were, who I was and wanted to come back and party at my apartment. Which is what she did. She came back, and I went into a room with her and did the things she told me to do. Somebody knocked on the door and she flipped out and took off and ran out of the apartment."

-- In 1993, Tysdal told police that in a crowded bar Peter repeatedly grabbed her by the crotch and in an obscenity-laced tirade told her how much she loved it. Peter says he is guilty; he was convicted of sexual assault and received 18 months' probation.

"I apologized to the court of law, but I did not apologize to her," he said. "I took full responsibility for that. I would have no problem apologizing to her. I don't have a time frame. But I totally owe her an apology."

-- In 1994, another woman accused him of grabbing her by the throat in a bar after a booster club event. Peter says the woman called him a rapist and he responded with vulgar language. He was convicted of disturbing the peace.

"I don't remember specifically, but I know I was charged, so I acknowledge that," he said.

-- In 1995, Redmond accused Peter of raping her twice and sued the university for its inaction and the assaults on other women. Peter says the sex was consensual, that the Lincoln Police Department's decision not to file charges cleared him and his only mistake is he did not return calls from Redmond.

"The first time happened in my dorm room after football practice. It happened again a few nights later. After that there were numerous phone calls, which I never returned. What I'm guilty of is not returning phone calls, not paying any attention to her. That was my fault. I was not acting like a gentleman. That was it. … However long it's been, she tells everyone that she was raped. And it's not true."

Redmond says she doesn't want to again discuss the details of the incidents. She told The Boston Globe in 2004 that Peter lured her into his room and raped her and a day later forced his way into her dorm room and raped her again.

Redmond told USA TODAY Sports she expected Peter to deny the rape allegations. "Usually people don't come forward and say, 'Yeah, I did that.' There is no impetus to do it," she said.

Asked about the collective allegations, Peter said, "I feel like I've owned up to the things that I've done. It's unfortunate. I can't change the past now. I've acknowledged what I've done wrong. I'm sorry to the people I've hurt. ... I'm sorry to my family. But there's nothing I can do about it now that's going to change anything. Life isn't fair.

"I told you some of the things I did not do and I will not apologize for. I've had to deal with that for 20 some years and still to this day. In 20 some years, not one person, not one reporter, has given me the opportunity to say what really happened."

But he did face direct questions before the 1996 draft during his interview at the scouting combine with Goldberg, who said Peter cried while discussing it all.

"Above anything and everything else, I sensed he was a very sincere young man," Goldberg said.

So after the Patriots released him, the Giants invited Peter to meet with Goldberg and George Young, then the team's general manager. They asked Peter if he thought he had a problem and if he needed help.

He was conflicted.

"I was young, invincible. I didn't think I had any problems," he said. And yet he added, "I knew there was something wrong, I just didn't know what the hell it was."

The Giants said they would sign him for the next season under one condition: He undergo treatment for alcoholism, ADD and anger issues. Peter, who grew up in Middletown Township, N.J., says other teams expressed interest in signing him without conditions but he decided he needed help immediately.

So, Peter says, he attended Alcoholics Anonymous and enrolled in a substance abuse program, took medication for depression and ADD and met with Goldberg up to three times a week while learning how dyslexia and learning disabilities had impacted his self-esteem.

"When you're not happy with yourself, you look for ways to cover the pain, and drinking was my outlet," he said, adding that his family has a history of substance abuse that also tormented his brother Jason, who played in the NFL and abused heroin. "Every time I drank, I didn't necessarily get into trouble. But every time I was in trouble, I had been drinking.

"There were a lot of character defects. There were a lot of insecurities about not being smart enough. It all adds up."

Unlike many perpetrators, Peter says, his abusive behavior did not stem from abuse. He was the oldest of three brothers and one sister.

"I come from the most amazing, loving family," he said. "I come from a family that never once turned their back on me when they probably should have with what I put them through.''

Success on the football field contributed to his problems at Nebraska, Peter says.

"When you're 18, 19, 20 years old, and playing on national championship teams, and winning and winning and winning, you can't do anything wrong," he said. "Sometimes that gets to your head, and it obviously got to my head. And with my other problems that had not been identified at the time, it was a recipe for disaster."

Asked whether steroid use contributed to his anger, Peter said, "It could have, possibly. Absolutely. I don't know if that contributed, but it could have."

Peter says he took them during his junior and senior year in high school and gained 40 to 50 pounds. He says he did not take steroids during his college and NFL career because he was scared it would be detected in a drug test. He says he maintained his increased weight because he was still growing and enjoyed the benefits of a calorie- and protein-rich training table and top-flight workout program at Nebraska.

Signed by the Giants in 1997, Peter played for the team for four seasons. He also played for one season with the Indianapolis Colts and one with the Chicago Bears, and his NFL career was free of arrests or public run-ins with the law. He says he remained sober until relapsing after he retired in 2002.

"It wasn't long, thank God," he said. "It was a one-night deal. I got back on track. It's fortunate I've got some very good people around me."

One of those people is his wife, Monica. They met in 2000, and early in the relationship Peter told her that she probably would read disturbing things about his past. She says some friends and colleagues who knew of Peter's history warned her to be careful.

"I'm a pretty good judge of character and I can read people," said Monica, an elementary school psychologist. "That's what my area of interest is. And he gave me no reason to not trust him."

A year after retiring, Peter says, he went into the insurance business and now owns three brokerage firms. He lives in New Jersey with Monica and their three children — Olivia, 12; Juliet, 9; and Christian Jr., 5.

Monica describes him as a doting father who does the laundry, washes dishes and makes breakfast while drawing on an abundance of energy associated with his ADD.

"I think he's just like all the kids I work with," she said. "He had learning disabilities. He felt badly about himself. He happened to excel at sports. Then he made a lot of bad choices. …

"Lucky for him that after all the turmoil that happened in college, he had this amazing opportunity and this team that actually welcomed him."

Peter added, "There's no cure for what I have. … I had to continue the treatment program (the Giants) had put together for me. I have a tendency of not thinking things through. Over the years, as things slowed down for me, that was one of the many things that I had to learn to do — to think things through before I made decisions.

"I'm not perfect. I get annoyed. I get upset and stuff like that. But now it's a different time and place and I can't act that way. There will be repercussions."

On Sept. 30, Peter received an e-mail from the NFL. The league wanted to talk to him as it researches ways to address domestic violence, assault of women and other issues involving social responsibility.

The next day, Peter attended a meeting at the league offices in New York that included Goodell, adviser Lisa Friel, Vincent and nine other retired NFL players.

Peter says he talked about the impact of football being taken away from him and the treatment program the Giants set up for him.

"My first intention was to do anything possible to get on that field again," he said. "But in the meantime I was learning about me and why I did all that stupid stuff that I did."

Upon hearing Peter's story, Tysdal said, "I never wish ill will on Christian Peter or any of those athletes. I certainly hope he has found the help he needs in life."