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Dating dangers around 'Fifty Shades'

Sharyn L. Flanagan
USA TODAY
Author Delaine Moore wrote the book 'Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom.'

The highly anticipated film version of Fifty Shades of Grey is raising some personal-safety issues when it comes to the kinkier aspects of sex.

Delaine Moore, author of Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom, says she fears that more women may decide to explore the alternative lifestyle depicted in the movie without doing their research first.

"Hollywood takes poetic license when adapting a dramatic story from a book. And when it comes to domination and submission, there are some very important safeguards that shouldn't be glossed over. Ever," she says.

Lifetime made Moore's book into a movie in 2014. Her book follows her dating life — and initiation into the world of domination and submission — after her divorce seven years ago.

Moore, 44, says she met all three of her "dominants" on dating websites. Moore cautions that women who are interested in pursuing this lifestyle should take their time.

"Really get to know him, and if you choose to meet in person, only do so in a public place. This is not a domain to blindly rush into or g o looking for a hook-up — cause if he ties you up and Dr. Jekyll becomes Mr. Hyde, you could well end up in the hospital or dead," she says. "Furthermore, if any dom immediately starts giving you directives, such as 'call me "sir' and listing his expectations, dump him. An authentic dominant knows he must earn his position; that D/s is based on trust, communication, respect, honesty and mutual consent; and that the needs and wants of the sub primarily determine the flow and boundaries of a D/s relationship."

Matt, who didn't want his last name used, is a 44-year-old "dominant" in Calgary. He says he's been approached by more women who want to try this lifestyle since E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey book came out in 2011.

"People think 'wouldn't it be hot to be tied up or flogged?'" he says. "But they have no frame of reference for what they're getting into."

He compared it to skydiving without taking the time to find out what it entails. "Without any concept of what you're about to do, you could put yourself in danger," he says.

Andrew Adesman, head of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at the Steven and Alexandra Cohen Children's Medical Center of New York, sees potential for increases in the frequency of physical and sexual dating violence among teens.

He says it's inevitable that many teens will see Fifty Shades of Grey even though it has a R rating.

"Teenagers have poor communication skills and a certain naivete and they may see this (behavior portrayed in the movie) as adventurous," Adesman says. "There are so many ways that this can go bad."

He has done some analysis of Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data on teen dating violence, which is slated to be released in May.

"Though violence can take different forms and different levels of severity, I see this playing out in many ways and with serious adverse outcomes," Adesman says.

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