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Ray Rice: 'I almost felt like at one point that it wasn't worth living'

Brad Penner-USA TODAY

Brad Penner-USA TODAY

Ray Rice isn’t giving up on his NFL career quite yet and is hoping that some team can see past the caught-on-tape assault in a casino elevator that ended his time with the Baltimore Ravens, shattered his reputation as one of the team’s good guys and ignited a discussion about domestic violence in the NFL.

The veteran running back is a free agent after being cut from the Ravens before the start of the 2014 season after a video of his assault of his now-wife Janay Rice appeared on TMZ.com. The league’s free agency period begins in March.

“It’s tough, I realize that’s a battle I’m going to have to face for the rest of my life,” Rice told the Baltimore Sun. “Time does heal everything, but I don’t think people are going to forget this. I want people to not forget about the incident, but I want people to see there’s a human being on the other side. This is not a monster, a guy who’s a repeat offender. I’m not the guy they stereotype me to be. I’m not excusing what I did.”

Despite that, he’s hoping for another chance.

“I’m optimistic that I’ll get a second chance,” he told the newspaper. “I don’t think this boils down to whether I can play football or not. Obviously I know that. I just think there’s so much more that comes with it. I know the PR side of it will be tough. I understand that.”

The interview with the Baltimore Sun is the second time Rice has spoken publicly since the Ravens cut him in September following the video’s release. It also follows a Facebook post Rice posted earlier this month in which he asked for forgiveness from the Ravens fans and thanked the team’s front office and coaching staff.

In the interview with the Sun, he said that he was still worried about what he would tell his young daughter about the incident and that he and Janay Rice had gone to extensive counseling and were doing well.

“The big picture of it all, being the person that I am, I really felt horrible,” Rice told the newspaper. “You almost want to punish yourself. I know I’m never going to win the battle of public opinion. Honestly, I almost felt like at one point that it wasn’t worth living. I see why people commit suicide.

“It hurt that bad. I was low, real low. It hurt that bad because you worked your whole life to do all the right things and then you’re the world’s most hated person. It was really tough. My daughter, oh Lord, I grew up without a father, there’s no way I could check out on my own family.”

Rice, whose numbers were among his worst in the last season that he played for the Ravens, also divulged that he had been playing injured after going down in a game against the Browns in the 2013 season.

“When I went down in Cleveland, that was a pain I can’t even describe. I get told in the locker room that it’s a two- to three-week injury, but it lasted the whole year.

“I was basically playing with one leg … I played through an injury I probably should have sat through.”

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