On Wednesday, MiLB.com — the official website of minor league baseball — unveiled its “Foodfight” competition, challenging fans to select the minors’ greatest ballpark concession. The nominees are broken down into four, 16-item categories: “Gut Busters,” “Hogs ‘n Dogs,” “Local Legends,” and “Scrumptious Sandwiches.”
Every category includes a hearty array of delicious-looking and inventive ballpark food options, so the whole competition is well worth your time. But in the spirit of the voting, I’ve selected my winners and runners-up for all four categories. These did not come without deliberation.
Gut Busters
Runner up: Helmet Nachos, Lakewood Blue Claws
(PHOTO: MiLB.com)
Look: Anybody at any ballpark can just pile all the concessions onto one plate, call it something ridiculous and wait on free publicity from incredulous web-surfers. It takes skill to create a thematically consistent “gut buster” like the helmet nachos, which feature “fried potato chips, shredded BBQ pulled pork, jalapenos, black olives, cheddar cheese, and a dollop of sour cream.” Also, I wholeheartedly support more foods being served in helmets. I have been consistent in this.
Winner: The Babe, Corpus Christi Hooks.
The product of some sort of John Madden ballpark-food fever dream, “The Babe” is a cheddarwurst wrapped in a hamburger wrapped in bacon, on a roll. It’s clearly a ton of food, yet it looks like the roll is actually sturdy enough to hold up under all the juices and condiments and save your pants and shirt and hands from a greasy mess. It’s an exceptionally rendered ballpark gut-buster. Also: The Corpus Christi Hooks play at Whataburger Field.
Hogs ‘n Dogs
Runner up: VooDoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Brat, Eugene Emeralds
(PHOTO: MiLB.com)
By now, most ballpark food experts are aware of the Luther Burger — a bacon cheeseburger served on a grilled doughnut. This actually seems like a way more appropriate way to mix meat and doughnuts, since the doughnut is already flavored to pair well with pork. And don’t sleep on the slice of bacon inside the concoction, either. Hot dogs and sausages always benefit from a little extra crunch.
Winner: Funnel dog, Northwest Arkansas Naturals
(PHOTO: MiLB.com)
It is humiliating to admit that I have lived 32 years without ever before considering wrapping a hot dog in fried dough. Hot dogs wrapped in pretzel, yes. Bagel, yes. Biscuit, yes. Fried dough? Never. Considering skipping the rest of the work day, leaving this post unfinished, and making funnel dogs at home.
Local Legends
Runner up: Fried asparagus, Stockton Ports
(PHOTO: MiLB.com)
A road trip spent sampling all of minor league baseball’s best greasy, fried meat options will really make your body crave some greasy, fried vegetables. This beer-battered, fried asparagus — from Stockton, Calif., home of the annual Asparagus Festival (which is a thing) — comes with parmesan dip and southwestern ranch dressing, because if you’re going to eat your greens they might as well be deep fried and drenched in multiple dips.
Winner: Chicken Bog Balls, Myrtle Beach Pelicans
(PHOTO: MiLB.com)
Chicken bog is apparently a popular Lowcountry dish often featuring chicken, rice, sausage, onion, celery and spices. It’s called “bog” because it is moist but not soupy. Chicken bog balls are all of the ingredients of chicken bog rolled together, beer-battered and deep fried. And if that’s not delicious enough, they come with sriracha mayo.
Scrumptious Sandwiches
Runner up: Surf and Turf Burger, Delmarva Shorebirds
(PHOTO: MiLB.com)
Pretty straightforward, really: The Surf and Turf Burger is a burger with a soft-shell crab on top. Both of those things are good on their own, and it stands to reason that they’d also be good together. But the Surf and Turf Burger gets extra credit for being a reasonably punk-rock concession: This wholly poultry-free specialty is popular at Maryland’s Arthur W. Perdue Stadium.
Winner: Aloha Burger, Montgomery Biscuits
(PHOTO: MiLB.com)
The Aloha Burger’s description says it “includes a half-pound burger, grilled pineapple, teriyaki glaze drizzle, ham and Swiss cheese, all on a Knot Roll Bun.” The Aloha Burger’s photo says it’s art. Heartbreaking. beautiful art.
Again, check out all the contestants at MiLB.com.
