It’s entirely possible that some day we’ll live in a world where children won’t know the joy of a hot dog, peanuts and Cracker Jack at the ballpark. That day seems to be fast-approaching.
As the season gets underway, fans will be treated to a plethora of new, eclectic options at concession stands around the country. Most of them will likely kill you.
USA TODAY Sports’ food (and baseball) gurus Ted Berg and Jesse Yomtov take a look at some of the most interesting new treats.
- Beltre Buster burger, Ballpark at Arlington (Rangers)
- The Rangers are following up last season’s two-foot-long, $26 “Boomstick” hot dog with a new burger named after their third baseman. It features a pound of beef and 8 oz. of bacon.
- Price: $26
- This is a great option if you want to watch a baseball game and also want to die.
- Spaghetti Pie Panino, Target Field (Twins)
- It’s spaghetti and meatballs with mozzarella cheese and marinara sauce in a panini.
- Price: $12
- Are you in Minnesota to play against the Twins? With their pitching staff, you should expect to spend a lot of time on the bases. Load up on carbs before you do.
- Scotch Eggs, PNC Park (Pirates)
- Hard-boiled eggs wrapped in Italian sausage.
- Price: $7.50
- Wait, that’s even physically possible? We have the technology to wrap things in sausage? Why are we not wrapping more things in sausage?
- Walking Taco, U.S. Cellular Field (White Sox)
- Fritos, chili and nacho cheese served in a bag with a fork.
- Price: N/A
- Don’t get us wrong, the walking taco sounds incredible. But since when are foods that require forks suitable for walking? Wrap the whole thing in a sturdy tortilla and then it’s portable. Have we learned nothing from Taco Bell?
- Brunch Burger, PNC Park (Pirates)
- Commonly referred to as the “Luther Burger” (named after Luther Vandross), this monstrosity is a bacon cheeseburger topped with a fried egg, with a glazed doughnut rather than a bun.
- Price: $7.50
- Why are we doubling up on PNC Park offerings? Because PNC Park stuffs eggs into sausage and burgers into doughnuts. The bar has been set for every other big-league park. Also, how is this only $7.50?!
- Fried Pretzel Sticks, Great American Ballpark (Reds)
- They’re deep-fried pretzel sticks.
- Price: $9
- Oh I’m sorry, am we supposed to say something here? I’m speechless. How is it possible we’re still finding new things to deep fry?
- Korean Tacos, Camden Yards (Orioles)
- Made-to-order tacos with either marinated sirloin or chicken
- Price: N/A
- People who get all huffy about the “authenticity” of ethnic foods have a lot to learn about how good Korean beef and kimchi taste inside a taco.
